My brain has a few reasons why this section of the blog isn’t necessary. This section is about – well, me.

After my web strategist Natascha suggested it- old fears bubbled up almost immediately. Even after years of sharing online, learning to overcome fear around visibility is an ongoing practice. I wondered: what if it’s not valuable, what if I have nothing to say, what if they – aka you – don’t like it…

As those questions come towards me – I breathe in, and breathe out – and start typing anyway.

From the outside, I wonder if it surprises you to learn about my hesitations. I have a personal brand after-all, I’m on socials sharing my life, perspectives, and offerings with my community almost daily, and I do write about and express myself often.

And, there’s plenty I could hide behind: I could stay ducked behind the mirror I hold up to others, I could camouflage myself within astrological interpretations, I could stay in a social safe zone where I know I’m not rocking the cultural boat.

What if the opposite was true?

Questions that start with “what if” and end with a negative assumption, or some sort of fear – haven’t really ever led me anywhere fulfilling. Usually the desire, the life, the possibilities that fear-based “what ifs” try to protect me against – circle back around and ask for my attention again anyway.

Eventually it comes time to flip the “what if” on its head – and start dreaming into it instead.

Getting comfortable sharing more of myself online happened in baby steps. Little moments where, instead of assuming that the “what if no one likes it” is true – I question the question with its inverse: “what if this is valuable?” or even “what if this helps someone?” Sometimes fear it’s as powerful in the face of a useful reframe.

When what follows a “what if” is a positive assumption that’s rooted in a more expansive, open energy – that tends to lead me to really exciting places.

It led me here, after all.

The “what if” that led me down a new path

At some point in the fall of 2022 I asked myself, “what if I gave myself a break?” from the corporate career that I had been hustling in since I was 17 years old.

“What if I gave myself a break? What if it’s okay – to just stop for a little while?”

I knew this “what if” was based in love, not fear or avoidance. This what if was the first time I allowed myself to dream into a different life. And it wasn’t that the fear disappeared – I simply stopped waiting to overcome fear before taking action. That started with visioning into what could be, and what was possible. Eventually, I started asking bigger questions: “Okay then – what if I actually did it? What’s actually stopping me?”

So I did. Life nudged me in that direction too. Things were changing at my office, and my transits were affirming that now was indeed the time to take new action with work (thank you Mars retrograde in my 10th house).

So I gave myself a “6 month break” to explore the what if (six months in quotes because I clearly never went back). I quickly got going with my astrology instagram and giving readings. And I’ll tell you what, the fear-based “what ifs” around personal expression were there too – and so much louder than they are now.

But that’s all part of the process. I’m proud and grateful to that version of me for being brave enough to explore and express herself. If she hadn’t, I don’t think I’d be here now – doing this work and living a life that feels deeply satisfying.

Choosing questions that are rooted in love

It’s a lot easier to stay in the illusion of comfort that the fear-based what ifs want to keep you in. It’s also easy to give yourself a hard time for continuing to listen to them – even though you know you want to create something different for yourself. That’s a whole other conversation, but it feels important to acknowledge that the scared “what ifs” are coming from a part of you that needs love and reassurance.

Following the “what ifs” doesn’t stop being uncomfortable and overcoming fear associated isn’t about eliminating it or pretending it’s not there – allowing your whole self to be present with that questions. Bringing our all of you along for the ride is how we stay whole and integrated in the process – and how we keep overcoming the fear. I’m lucky to have enough practice at it at this point, three years and counting, that I have trust in what lives on the other side of the loving-expansive “what ifs.”

So I’ll choose the “what ifs” that lead me towards the possibility, and don’t keep me in the stagnation.

I’ll choose the “what ifs” that make my body feel relaxed, and not like I’m bracing against the world.

I’ll choose the “what ifs” that feel grounded in love, and not negotiated by fear.